Tammy's Writing
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14
Already in Israel Tammy was actively involved in contact with the radio programs for children & such. At the age of 11 she occasionally wrote to the author Esther Kal.
In one of her letters, she tells, in Hebrew, that her grandmother Batya died & describes her own fear of death.
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11/3/77
Dear E.K.
My name is T.L. I live in the USA; my father represents an Israeli company here. I know you from “Ha’Aretz Shelanu” & my mother told me a lot about you. My grandmother died a few months ago, but this is not exactly what bothers me, I simply fear death.
I think, what will I do with myself when it will happen to my parents? I am trying to invent consolations for myself, such as, that it happens to everybody, or that I still have a long time. But it is not sufficient, because I know that once it will happen to all. I could not speak with my parents about it. My father simply does not understand such things. But my mother is a SW, & she would have understood. The only problem is the grandmother who died this past summer is my mother’s mother & I don’t want to cause her sorrow by reminding her about her mother.
At school & on TV as if everyone is against me, talking all the time about cancer & heart illnesses & this adds to my fear.
Could you help me please?
​Thanks.
​P.S.
In this letter, there are many spelling mistakes, because I have been in America for 3 years & I did not want to show this letter to my parents.
"I Miss Israel
I want so badly to go back. I miss the school there, the home work, Golomb St., Haifa, my bed, my friends, my class, the prayers; the arithmetic book, Reading, music, recorder, nature, gym & everything. Friday afternoon, taking the suitcases & go to Tel Aviv, to Savta Batya. Taking the backpack on Sunday & go to school, play during recess with M, R, A, R & after school. Do homework, go to Ron, return home at 7PM, eat dinner,play with the family, brush teeth at 9:30 in the evening. Be so comfortable in my bed, under a good cover which is for rainy days & hot days. Eat Falafel; play Klass & jump rope, Ivrit writing, prayers.
Missing Elka & Shuky, going to Eilat, Sharm-Asheich, Sodom, & visit where the women came out of Sodom. Look for the origins of Cedar of Lebanon (to then go to build a Temple); learn about Haifa Our City, learn how to paint. Learn songs & sing them, play Gulot, & sit in the Sukkah and read the Torah,".
Writing after moving to the United States
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"It was on a summer morning. I woke up, opened my eyes & uttered a deep sigh. Quite soon I understood that something is not right… it is too quiet… I got up & looked around. The room was empty, only little light came in from the early rays… The house was too quiet. I got out of my bed & saw an empty room around, little light coming from the early morning sun rays, & silence all around.I got scared all of a sudden. Why is it so quiet? I ran quickly to the kitchen, the Saloon, the bedrooms of my parents & back to the kitchen. The house is empty… how come??? No, I did not get up late. Is it possible that everybody already left the house while I was asleep? I looked - the clock showed 7:30, so early??? Could it be that something has happened to them?... what? What??? May be they just left me here all alone??? Alone… did rubbers catch them???
Wow, how many thoughts could happen??? Possibly, may be they simply left & let me stay here??? Alone… & they were caught by robbers? Wow, how many thoughts can come up in half a minute??? Indeed, this is what I thought throughout the time I stood there!?!? I never reached a conclusion… I ran down the steps to the street, & it too was empty, nobody there. No one is playing… the milkman does not bring milk, shops are not opening… “Yossi! Uri!!! Kids, where are you?!?!?!” I called into the silence, but no answer… My breath just stopped. What happened!?!?
I started to run like a crazy animal in the streets, aimlessly & the silence was echoing in my ears. I continued to run around in circles. At long last I reached something like an amusement park, & it too was empty!!! But No, suddenly I noticed an old man sitting on a bench in the corner of the park & I stopped still. I did not want to call his attention to me. I stood there & watched him. He appeared to me like having the face of a saintly person; with increased sense of courage I marched to the bench. I walked feeling my heart beat fast & my shaky legs. I reached the bench… The old man lifted his head & looked at me. “Grandpa, where is everybody?” I asked. He looked at me in wonderment & at last said, as if it is a given, “abroad!!!”
I roamed the streets aimlessly, the silence echoing in my ears. I could not stop running."
Tammy writes - Age 8, abroad - Tammy's mother writing it from Tammy's mouth
Tammy expressed her desire to return to Israel in those years more than once or twice. The truth should be told: I was very hesitant about the complications it might bring about, but I tried to keep my silence. I was unable to stop her from going on a trip to Central Africa. She was used to live her life by her own will. Side effects to her meds did occur, & might have contributed to her general feeling, but did not prevent her from working – including night shifts in an office in central Manhattan. On rare occasions she would be hospitalized for a couple of days. Twice her knees were operated on.
Tammy worked at PS3, & it was from there that they were watching the Twin Towers fall on 9/11/2001. Groups of students arrived from schools near the towers to take cover & relax.
Tammy started to teach also in a PS in Harlem then. The age of the students was a little higher. She liked it & enriched her experience.
Tammy always had excellent relations with her students & colleagues.Throughout the years Tammy continued to enrich herself acquiring various skills & approaches: life guard, CPR, Sign Language. She participated in NYU Swim Team & was awarded a prize.
Tammy studied to teach Kundalini Yoga & participated in folk dancing, African drums & Ambira.
Truth must be said: whenever her illness would start bothering her she found original & effective ways to cope. During the 90s Tammy also got a new specialist to attend to her illness.
“Tammy after Turning 19:”when are we going back to Israel???
