My new next-door neighbor quickly became a close friend.  We lived next to each other, and then were roommates with many, many adventures on the way, for six years.  Then, when we moved to different areas, each travelling a different path in life - where I have a tendency to lose touch, Tammy’s friendship was steady and constant.  For that, I bless her now, especially,  after having lost her presence here - because I know that no matter what and where,  our friendship remains.
 I lost a good friend, a true soul sister (surely it wasn't simply coincidence that her name so closely related to names in my family?) 
More than that - the world lost a good friend.
Tammy brought real meaning to that word. How many of us yearn for a real friendship?  For someone we can always count on to be there?  Who loves us unconditionally?  Who never makes a demand on us to be one way or another, but simply believes in us as human beings?  Who wants the goodness and kindness and gentleness to be a part of our everyday lives?  Who answers the phone with such a joyful and still gentle ‘Hi!’ that you know just how happy they are simply to hear from you?  I was so, so, so proud of the world in which Tammy was a teacher to kids who had it rough in life.  How she could just be there with them.  Teaching English or design or whatever - but mainly just living life with them while rejoicing in who they are and who they can become.  Actively living her own beliefs that we don't need to turn kids into who the establishment think that they should be, but finding the delicate balance of discipline, goals and grades for the good of the kids.  Giving them a place to unleash their own imagination and creativity.  I couldn't get enough of her stories about their end-of-the-year plays and movies and volunteering for the community and…
once, we were talking about what was the most important thing to us in life.  what we were striving toward through all of life's curveballs, ups and downs.  She shared that the most important thing to her was to know how to love.  And while she never found that “special one” to share her life with, she knew how to love more than most of us.
She opened herself up to connecting with so many different people.  So many friends were true soul friends.
Looking back, I’m astonished to realize just how gentle she was,  how she never made any demands but always open to connection.  Even after being hurt she'd find a way to keep the channels open, with everyone.

Arabic-Muslim children, Jewish women living under rockets and warlike conditions, far-left activists and artists, my brother-in-law - a one-of-a-kind,  idealistic and proud Jew living in Samaria,  Muslim women living in mixed Jaffa - Tammy never shied from connecting, never let any preconceived notions get in the way of rejoicing in meeting the ‘spirit living a human experience’: I deeply miss that I will never be able to have her at our Shabbat table.

But she had a relationship with Hashem, G-d.  She felt on a profound level that her place, her spiritual home, her meaning was in Israel.  Not because of the physical land, because of the spiritual connection.  Even while at times she was wracked with doubt, thinking perhaps she should go back to New York, to be closer to her mother, her sister, her friends from growing up - she did come to a sense of peace and closure in her last trips that yes, she had made the right choice, coming to Israel.

After becoming Ba'alat Teshuvah, keeping an Orthodox Jewish way of life, and particularly over the last year of her life, we talked a lot about Jewish faith and how it guides us to meet every challenge that life throws us as a chance to create more connection. 

Particularly as she became ill, afraid of how her illness may limit more and more the freedom of movement she so dearly cherished - she wanted to connect more and more to the ideal - the greatest tenet of Judaism-to love your fellow as yourself.  We had precious moments together, feeling through our little corner of friendship in the world, that great promise given to us that we are truly all connected in spirit. Only our physical bodies give us the illusion of being separate.

And all the foundations she laid throughout her life, to become a person who knows how to love - suddenly flowered and bloomed and surrounded her with enormous love during her last months. She felt enormous connection with everyone around her, from the sanitary helpers, through her many students texting her, through her family who rallied so strongly and caringly to her side. 

I saw how much authentic connection and genuine appreciation and warmth she created with so many different and diverse people. That is a life truly well-lived. I have no doubt that she completed what her soul set out to do in this world. She blessed us with her loving, authentic, quirky, creative and adventurous spirit. 

 

 

I painfully miss you not being here, Tammy, and always will...  but also feel how much of yourself you left with us through your blessing of keeping touch.  That is truly the only treasure we can leave behind, and I hope to learn this from you and live more your spirit of genuine friendship, by your merit and in your honor. 

Your loving, and eternal friend.

Heidi